The Box

I built this THING. It took me 2 weeks and it weighs 3 tons but it's finally finished. What the heck is it, you ask? Here we go.

*cue banjo music*

Back when we were kids, my dad built my older brother a "G.I. Joe Headquarters" for all of his G.I. Joe dolls--excuse me, action figures--and cars, equipment, etc. It was painted dark green with a beige camoflauge pattern which looked as though shortly after starting Dad realized what a pain it is to hand-paint camoflauge and settled for just a few very large beige blotches. I remember that it was sturdy and hinged with a latch on the front so that you could close it up, and it had a fireman's pole thru one of the floors. It was way cool, and no one else had one like it.

So for my son's 2nd birthday I did my typical impulsive, planless trip to Home Depot and bought wood, hardware, and paint and got started on a Buzz Lightyear Headquarters.

I chose plywood, because it was already cut in 2'x'2' pieces. I love power tools, but I'm scared of the circular saw. I used one in a dopey core art class in college, and I admit that mitre boxes are a truly snazzy invention, but let's be honest--that swirling blade can do some serious damage in the blink of an eye. And I blink a lot. So I let the schmoes at Home Depot cut 5 of the boards in half for the sides and shelf.

In retrospect, I probably should have shelled out the cash for some quality lumber because aside from it's ridiculous weight and blemishes that needed wood filler and primer (ha HA! A chick who knows about wood filler and primer!) the super-thick plywood I used needed sanding. More sanding than my arms were willing to provide. I borrowed a 25-year old electric sander, which was only slightly smaller than Ohio, but I guess it retired a few years back because it wouldn't start up.

After hours of hand-sanding it was smooth as a cat's tongue which was good enough, dang it. The goal, after all, was no splinters--it didn't need to be silk. I then thought I would paint it with metallic silver spray paint. I should have realized after the primer episode that spray cans are about the worst medium for painting anything other than a ghetto wall, but I tried it anyway and although it was a huge failure, my lungs are now all sparkly.

I used the 2nd can to paint two wooden parrot ladders I picked up at PetSmart. Pretty clever, hah?

Anyway, it's done and it could hold up against a cat 3 hurricane. My son received about 5 various action figure kits that will reside in the HQ, but I'm not convinced that he wasn't more thrilled with the cardboard boxes that the figures came in...